The Cruelty of Cancer

Back in June (2010), my mother broke her hip.  She ended up having a stroke during the surgery.  This required a lot more time in the hospital and then having to go to a nursing home while she did physical therapy.  Then for about the last 2 months, her right leg had been in pain, but no one seemed to know why.  Finally, several days ago, my brother ended up calling 911 because she was in so much pain, and they took her to the hospital.  They found that her right thigh was fractured from her thigh to her knee.  On top of that, they found a 3" mass on her leg.  While during surgery to put a pin in her leg, they biopsied the mass.  It was found to be cancerous.  Well after numerous tests, several CAT scans, & special blood workups, they found that she has cancer, that started in her lungs, and has moved to to her legs now.  She has Stage 4 cancer & non-small traditional carcinoma.  She also has emphysema and hardening of her arteries.  And obviously, it has traveled through her body from her lungs to her legs.  We will meet with several more specialists tomorrow (Monday).  She has smoked for around 40 years now.  Smoking is what caused my father to have cancer, and my uncle Brian (his brother) to have cancer as well.  Watching my dad lie there dying a little more and a little more each day, bleeding from his nose, his mouth...was very hard on all of us (my Aunt, brother, sister and stepmom.)  My dad was in a hospice center for weeks because he was too sick to take care of at home.  My grandma, my dad's mom, also had cancer (though hers was not caused by smoking.)  Now we are faced with decisions of whether it is better to do chemo and/or radiation.  We have many questions to still ask the doctor.  My relationship with my family is not a normal one.  I am so different.  That is just me.  I am the "oddball of the family" you could say.  But you know, it is okay, because God wants me to be different.  I am who I am, and will never really fit in.  But during this time, I have to accept my differences, and we have to do what we can for my mother's care.  We have to put our differences aside and do what we can.  Only God knows how long someone will or won't live.  Only HE has that control.  The doctors can give us their best "estimated guess," but only God can give life and take life away.