Sunday, April 27, 2008

Samuel's Burial Service

Yesterday was our son Samuel's "official" burial. It was exactly 3 months ago to the day that we had his memorial service. There were several reasons for this, one being that the ground here in IA has been so terribly frozen this winter from an extra long winter season. They say it's the coldest, longest winter we've had since 1983! As it was, though it was spring, it was windy, cold, dreary and misty outside. There were also several other babies who had died, so we had one burial service all together. You could see all the torture, pain and sadness on every one's faces as we all stood there saying our last good-byes for now. They had white carnations mixed with yellow daisies and baby's breath spread throughout. It was sad to see that little casket sitting there resembling the ones that each baby is now in. I think this says it all...
"We are what we are today because we have felt the presence of a baby whom we have loved. We are what we are today because we have experienced a young life whom we have loved - a gift from God, who was here for a brief moment in time. We are what we are today because we carried a small, precious life, a child whom we have loved."

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I so love our grandbabies!!

I love their kisses, happy smiles, content coos and the way they both love to cuddle! What good babies both they are. God has blessed us with two daughters so far, who are wonderful mothers, who love their children, are content to stay home with them, to nurse them, and love them. God is good! We are blessed! In two more days, this coming Friday, we bury our baby son, Samuel. That will be so hard for all of us as we all love him and miss him daily still. However, we are also going to have these smiling little faces of our grandchildren to look at and love. That will help so much! Praise the Lord for His loving kindness to us!

Thursday, April 17, 2008


I'M "JUST" A MOM...and a woman seeking the Lord's Will (daily!), a wife (striving to keep the romance alive even after 21 years), a homeschooling mom of 10 blessings, who starts every day over (after inevitably making mistakes the day before), knowing God's grace is overflowing (just like my laundry, but PTL for my new washing machine), and so thankful He's blessed me more than I'll ever deserve.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

The Time Has Come...

It will be 12 weeks ago this coming Tuesday that our baby died. We just received notice today from the hospital where we had our son, that his burial is going to be on the 23rd of this month. I guess the time has come to "officially" say good-bye. I knew the time was coming, but for some reason seeing it set up with the date and time all ready decided, makes it so much more real. This part has been so hard for me...knowing that Samuel has been sitting in the hospital morgue, cold, in the dark, just waiting...and my wanting to hold him one more time...just one more time. I know that his soul is in Heaven, and has been from the time her died, but still, knowing he has still been at the same hospital that he was born in, the same hospital that both of our daughters delivered their babies just weeks after he hard for me.

There are two women who work with my husband who are pregnant and were originally due just a month after I was due to have Samuel. Their tummies are getting so "big" now, and they talk of how their husbands love to play with their stomachs and feel their babies kicking, and they have that "I'm ready and can't wait to have this baby feeling"...and so forth. I would be only 8 weeks away from Samuel's birth if he had not died. We have his pictures hung up in several spots around the house, and someone talks of him still at least once a day. He is still always in my thoughts. Will he be a baby still when I get there? Will he still be a baby and I will continue to grow old? Will he be a man when we all get to Heaven and I won't recognize him? I have so many questions. Right now he is still my baby boy, who I am just sure wants his mommy to hold him, nurse him, and love him. That's what I do know. I have found that I don't remember much of the first week or two after his birth, and death. I seem to be numb and blank when we talk about things that happened during that first week especially. I just realized that I have not even gotten out Thank yous for all the cards, gifts and money that were given to us during this time. I need to do that still. Am I wrong in that I have waited these last few weeks? I don't want to hurt or upset anyone by not thanking them, but I just haven't been able to focus on certain things lately. If you are one of these wonderful people, please forgive my slowness and procrastination in doing so. I promise I will work on them.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Three of Our Oldest Daughters

This is our three oldest daughters, and Niki's (on the far left) boyfriend, Dustin. He's a great dad to their kids, and a wonderful guy for Niki.

Best Friends? Maybe so?

Our grandson Kaden, loves our baby geese.
He sure likes to kiss them anyway!

Perfecting Our Walk of Love?

Matthew 5:44 says, "But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you."

This is the verse God brought me to the other day while dealing with a huge situation in our lives right now. I was at a stage of complete frustration with this family. I was so frustrated! We all are! I can't begin to tell you how much grief they have put us through the last 8 weeks or so. Then God brought me to this verse. It's not necessarily a verse I "wanted", but apparently one that I "needed." What God showed me (through the Bible Study I am doing by Lucia M. Claborn), is this...If you know someone hates you, find something good that you can go for them. Do good. Do good to them that hate you. Find something that you can do for them and answer back; however, the best thing to do is to start praying for them. I am believing that as I pray for them, I am actually releasing myself from the bondage the devil has tried to hold us in where they are concerned. Let me tell you, this is not easy! But, through "...the love of God that has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit..." (Romans 5:5), I have to believe that the Lord can help me (us) to do this where they are concerned. I (we) need to refuse to give in to the devil by allowing the least bit of animosity, ill will, or wrong feelings to get to us. This is not easy to do with them! I can assure you. But I have to believe that through Christ, we have to do this, and He will help us succeed!

That's again where we have to hang on to the verse that says, "No weapon formed against us shall prosper..."(Isaiah 54:17). And now to let the Lord's love come through us...It will have to be God's working, and only His, because I personally cannot do it without Him!

New Addition to the Family

These are our two new geese! My husband went to pick horse feed and found these two babies and couldn't resist buying them (at $5.00 a piece), and bringing them home. :+)