A One Year Good-Bye

Yesterday, Jan. 22nd, was the 1 year anniversary of our son Samuel's birth, and death. It was the first time that I have been able to watch the DVD from the memorial service, and to go through all the things that they gave us when he died. His little blanket is starting to lose the baby smell he had. That makes me so sad. Maybe I thought that I could keep that smell forever if I sealed it tightly in a zip-lock baggie, but I know that realistically I can't. I so miss him, and still think about him every single day. This past holidays were hard for me as it would/should have been his first Thanksgiving, his first Christmas, his first New Year... There is no easy way to get over the loss of a child. I am blessed to have held him for as many hours as I did that day. I am blessed that I have pictures of him to remember his little face, tiny hands and feet. I am blessed that I had him, for even the short time that I did. I will always love him, forever and ever. I apologize to all who I did not get a Thank You card from us after his death. I really had good intentions, but each time I would plan to begin, the tears would come and the cards never did get done. We do appreciate every single one of them though! This year, I want to plant a tree in our year in memory of Samuel. That may sound corny to some, but to me, it sounds like a good idea. I think I will plant a Rocky Mountain Sugar Maple, as that was one of my father's favorite trees as well. I love the colors as they change from one season to the next. And right outside in our front year will be the perfect place - beside the water pond Ashley built this past summer. So to my little boy, this is not good-bye, but instead "I'll hold you in Heaven one day again."