A Life With Chronic Pain

A note about Chronic Pain- Hopefully it helps others understand myself & Doug and our lifestyle changes...

Having chronic pain means many things change.

I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don't seem like much fun to be with, but I'm still me-- stuck inside this body. I still care about school, my family, my friends, and most of the time - I'd still like to hear you talk about yours, too.

When you've got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So, if you're talking to me and I sound happy, it means I'm happy. That's all. It doesn't mean that I'm not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I'm getting better, or any of those things. I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome.

Being able to stand up for ten minutes doesn't necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes, or an hour. Just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn't mean that I can do the same today. I never know from day to day, how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain.

Chronic pain is variable. It's quite possible (for many, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I'll have trouble getting to the next room. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are--to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.

"Getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don't know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain than you could ever imagine. Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You can't always read it on my face or in my body language. Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn't you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or years?), but it is not created by depression.

If I say I have to sit down/lie down/stay in bed/or take these pills now, that probably means that I do have to do it right now - it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm somewhere, or am right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.

If you want to suggest a cure to me, please don't. In all likelihood, if you've heard of it or tried it, so have I. In some cases, I have been made sicker, not better. It also includes failure, which in and of itself can make me feel even lower. If there were something that cured, or even helped people with my form of chronic pain, then we'd know about it. There is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with chronic pain. If something worked, we would KNOW. It's definitely not for lack of trying. If, after reading this, you still feel the need to suggest a cure, then so be it. I may take what you said and discuss it with my doctor.

If I seem touchy, it's probably because I am. It's not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will try to understand. I have been, and am still, going through a lot. Chronic pain is hard for you to understand unless you have had it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating. Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with this, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general.

In many ways I depend on you - people who are not sick. I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out... Sometimes I need you help me with the shopping, cooking or cleaning. I may need you to take me to the doctor, or to the store. You are my link to the normalcy of life. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of life that I miss and fully intend to undertake again, just as soon as I am able.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN (This spoke the words of how I feel better than anything I have ever seen written. To whomever the author is, I Thank You!!)

Our Dog Kennel is Almost Done!

We now have our dog kennels framed and rocked in! PTL!! We were able to get the rock for $14.00 a truck load! Now all we have left is to get the roof over the kennels. It is covered by shade trees already, but now have rock that is easy to wash down and keep very clean for our breeding dogs.

Update on Our Puppies

Our Petite LeFleur puppies are now 5 & 6 weeks old, and about ready for their first set of puppy shots and wormings. 3 pups are spoken for already! PTL!! If you are also interested, please email me at: quiverfullof9@yahoo.com

Update on My Mom

A friend of mine & I, prayed over my mom one day when she was in the ICU. Then that afternoon, my mom started moving her arms. Her hands would not move, but it was a good start. Well over the next week, she improved greatly. I believe that it was the Lord's doing, not anything else. She has now improved enough to be in a nursing home to finish her recovery. It is a Christian Nursing Home and seems very kind to the patients there, and is quite beautiful. In fact, their name is "Risen Son." Plus a friend of ours works there, so we are more confident with her being there. She plans to only stay long enough for recovery, but I believe that God opened this door for her to be able to get in to this specific place.

A Passing of a Friend

Yesterday, July 3rd, 10 years ago to the day, my dad died of cancer. Also, yesterday, on July 3rd, our family friend, died of liver failure. She had been very sick and been in the hospital for close to a month already. Our 3rd oldest daughter had been her CNA much of the time that she has been there. Our families became friends when I was about 12 years old. Their. oldest daughter was 16 at that point. She taught me how to put on makeup, do my nails, fix my hair all pretty like...then our moms met and became best friends. So, that put them with their four kids, and the three of us kids, all together a lot of the time. We had some great memories jumping into the lake from the back of a pickup truck, my first motorcycle ride, my first hickie...well you get the idea. :+) Well several years ago, we all lost touch with each other. Then recently, we all connected again. It was on sad terms, but instead of being all teary and depressed, it was almost like a family reunion, sharing memories and fun we'd had. I think it was good for her to hear all the laughter and memories, and to know that we would all be okay. I also believe that that it was God who brought us all together again for a reason. And since we are looking for a church, by finding our family friends, I think we may also have found the church that the Lord wants for us!